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The Last Words We Heard Were Attics (So Now We Are Climbing)

by Jayson Nessi

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1.
Into the Well 01:49
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the first thing my father ever told my mother was to never teach him a lesson the second thing Amanda ever told me was that somebody was gonna get hurt it's been five years now I think I get it now I live in a well now throw your pennies down I'm starting a garden I started a fire underneath a bridge no one could hear me there I started a fire in the city no one could see me there I started a fire in your heart no one could feel me there leave here, leave here, leave here, leave here before somebody gets hurt be here, be here, be here, be here before somebody gets hurt
2.
Wake Upsetting the Table (Climbing) 02:50
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the parents are weeping for their childhoods again "so much time in the kitchen!" preparing meals for the children whose names they still confuse so often the garden outside the window playing muse a revolving machine a planet whose gravity you wish you held do you believe you still may sprout wings? is that what haunts your dreams? your spine spilling its soil sparks peeling from their fingertips your tongue closing its eyes swelling sweating spinning spitting and when the snow hides our green traces so shall the sun come down to reflect our within and when the rain finally falls to bring out the bugs let every single one of them kiss my skin
3.
Hole Heart 03:05
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if I had a hole in my heart maybe I'd have a (w)hole heart sometimes I feel like most of us deserve so much worse than hell so what do we scream when we are just "okay" and how do we dream while we are awake? the politicians and the preachers are packing it in they're heading home to the natures they've forgotten so when the sun comes up will you promise to do the same thing so we can draw you in circles again? and when the sun goes down will you hold your tongue just long enough to forget your sin? they're throwing dirt upon our living coffin distracting us with new beds to mess and to make but if I had half a clue of who I am or what I knew I might find a light to shine through so what do we scream when we are just "okay"? if I had a hole if I had a hole in my heart maybe I'd have a (w)hole have a whole have a whole heart
4.
So Young 02:12
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there's a ghost serving supper up in-between my ears I awake to find he's the one who set the table all these years and somewhere the babies are crying and I am crying because I know why there's no eulogy for the meadows there's no song, for the scarecrows there's no ceiling for the sky there's no dark for the sun I'll be the dark for the sun I'll be the home for the lonely stranger and while my lips are bleeding you smile, and you say, "I saw the babies cry that way" and in my dreams, you're a baby and in my dreams, I'm a baby and baby-- you're so young and in my dreams, I'm a baby and in my dreams, you're a baby and baby-- I'm so young and in my dreams, you're a baby and in my dreams, I'm a baby and baby.. you're so young
5.
Sown 02:53
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well I have heard that if you wear the summer sun the damsels in the hammocks whistle wind until you're done and I have been told there's a blanket somewhere on some country road where those same damsels lie until you put the sun back with the clouds, in the sky but... I have clouds, like idle songs in the night so, if you need me.. I'll be shooting arrows at the sky and we climbed and we fell and we climbed and we fell and we climbed, and we fell but we we wore it so well well I have been told there's a blanket somewhere on some country road it's the only thing I've yet to see it's all I need to know it's the only thing I've yet to see it's all I need to know
6.
Build a Fire 02:32
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well I have been searching for someone who can look me in the eye and know what I don't know well I have been dreaming of someone who can look me in the eye and see who I be so pile me to the ceiling while our neighbors, they turn away turn off all of our lights so that we may look the same it's in the dark that I knew you it's in the dark I remember your name it's in the dark that I call you it's in the dark we look the same so build a fire up under me dance my flames in the night turn my name into a button and unbutton my light 'cause I have been searching for someone who can look me in the eye and know what I don't know
7.
And Yet 02:36
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there's a fire on the second floor of this apartment building but the only thing burning are my ears and there's a fire on the first floor of your parent's home and the only thing dry are your father's (tears) and I know, I know the way I seem.. ..but every time you look at me, it's: yeah, there's a fire on the other side of my capillaries and the only thing keeping them clean.. yeah, there's a fire on the other side of your starved heart my orphans brought roses and the roses fell apart and I know, I know the way I seem.. ..but every time you look at me, it's: and the bookshelf is crying disposable literature and the walls are painted Polaroid and all I can think or see or dream so I cower in the face of every fool's true love to know the mistakes I've made couldn't change me if you climb down now leave your matchsticks, please Amanda, I know.. --I know.. ..the way I seem... yesterday I bought myself a pillow so that I could hear your voice and hear myself scream
8.
Do You Remember 02:21
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do you remember when our parents still made love? and then they would open the curtains to spread the dust and the dust would spiral to show us the shape regret makes did you know there is another place we can go? if you stare into the back of your eyelids, there is a switch it is always there you are always... do you remember when our parents still made love? and then they would open the curtains to spread the dust did you know there is another place we can go? you are always there you are always there you are always
9.
From My Heart (pt. 1) 01:31
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well I've been binging purging listening learning yeah I've been binging purging listening learning from my heart well I've been binging purging listening learning I've been binging purging listening learning and all I know is I don't know which way to go and all I can see is some part of me I don't want to be and all I know is I don't know which way to go and all I can see is some part of me I don't want to be so I've been binging purging listening learning I've been binging purging listening learning from my heart
10.
From My Heart (pt. 2) 01:20
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there are a few things that I have kept from you I have not loved you the way I loved you the night I met you for five years I I have lied because you are the closest thing to my heart and I am the furthest I have ever been from my heart
11.
Leave Here 02:44
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when you don't know which way to go and you stop to reflect and all you see is our history I would worry yeah, I'd worry 'cause if you can't tell by now that I do not know who I am then we may never see why we are what we are so why don't you leave here and maybe I'll leave too why not forget me? and maybe I'll forget you when you don't know which way to go and you stop to reflect and all you see is our history I would worry yeah, I'd worry 'cause if you can't tell by now that I do not know who I am then we may never see why we are what we are when did we lose our voice? where did I forget my name? where did I lose my voice? where did I forget my name? there must be something louder than noise in a silent room 'cause I'd rather be alone than be alone with you yeah I'd rather be alone than be alone with you
12.
Take Us Home (Climbing) 03:58
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well I do not know when we began singing everyone else's songs instead of our own I will not take that one upon myself I've taken enough guilt and shame upon myself watching our parents grow old sitting on the fence grass is there a bug is there a hair falls from my sister's tongue and I know it's mine so I smile and then our parents they watch us grow up and fall off the fence my insides they choose their sides my sister cries and for a second I almost admit that I closed my eyes in the thick but when we let our milky fingers find their own they rarely let us down and they never take us home and I will not take that one upon myself no I will not take that one upon myself I have taken enough guilt and shame upon myself
13.
Still Mind 02:14
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today the businessman was running of shit to sell so he sold himself tonight there's an empty chair at the dinner table which is fine.. the wife don't mind the dog don't mind the garden don't mind the taxes don't mind their mortgage don't mind the neighbors don't mind the church don't mind but the children, they'd been preparing new ways to ask their father not to wear his mask so they'll search for it they won't find it but they'll wear it yeah, they'll wear it so they'll search for it and they won't find it but they'll wear it yeah, they'll wear it and their mom won't mind and the dog won't mind and their friends won't mind and their school won't mind and their bills won't mind and the clouds won't mind and the mountains won't mind and god won't mind but I'll still mind
14.
We Doves 03:11
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if it's human marrow the grocery store owner scratches off her lottery tickets on twenty-minute breaks than it's her brain that washes itself when (no), she never wins so here come the cold medicine and the soft noise down the long haul not so cursed no more nope! nope! no no, won't eat us alive, oh no.. 'cause we doves oh, you know we know, we doves we doves oh, you know, we know: we doves oh, children! swim your heavy souls drink your runaway dream your tired dreams every waking day 'cause even if your parents will not cry and even if your teachers will not cry and even if your friends will not cry and even if the city will not cry and even if the cars will not cry and even if the smog will not cry and even if god, will not cry it's all-right 'cause I.. ..oh, I'll still cry oh, you know, when I hear the hum and flow? when I am far away! and you know what they say? they say that far ain't so far! but we doves! oh, you know, we know we doves! but we doves! oh, you know, we know, we know we know we know we know we know!
15.
Human River 02:42
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well, I made it to the river and I stared into the black and what did I see? well, I saw me! and I I climbed up the mountain! I gazed into the sky! and what did I find? well I found me! but you're not there.. you're not there.. you're not there! and I know why and all I know is that when the wind blows with my eyes closed I can feel it trying to hold my hand so I... dove into the river.. deep, into the black and I... climbed down, from the mountain to find you staring back and all I know... is that, when the wind blows with my eyes closed I can feel you trying to hold my hand but all I see is some part of me that I don't want to be, that I don't want to see and all I know is that, when the wind blows with my eyes closed I can feel you trying to hold my hand
16.
Orphan 03:10
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well I was wrapped up, on the roof carving a history there was an orphan dead, in the snow in the glow of a torch before me my scarf was damp my socks were wet and my legs were pale, and hairy in the distance a train sighed my heart stood silent and the cold.. ..began cutting through me so I climbed down from the roof and I set my knee at the side of the orphan I placed one hand upon its heart and with the other I pulled its eyelids open and in the endless, black stare of its blank pupils I saw myself and I knew myself tired, and broken and in the endless, black stare of its blank pupils I saw my Heart and I knew my Heart: hopeless, and open

about

After riding his bicycle 3000 miles across the United States of America, Jayson Nessi's bicycle was stolen in the spring of 2012 while he was living in the woods outside of Austin, Texas. With the help of a friend he made one evening serendipitously, he was allowed to borrow a guitar to take back to the woods with him to write and record the second half of his "Words We Heard" project, The Last Words We Heard Were Attics (So Now We Are Climbing).

His two albums, The First Words and The Last Words are a deliberate, tangible manifestation of Jayson Nessi's understanding of the duality present in the nature of reality, as well as the manner in which this duality manifest inside of himself. They tell the story of a young man first lost, digging as far within himself as possible, searching for the reasons for who, why and what he is-- and then later, after finding himself buried deep within his lonely and starved heart, the journey of climbing back up and outward into the often-times loveless modern world.

The Last Words is highly-conceptual and driven purposefully by profound meaning-- an opportunity for all whom choose to engage it to recognize the importance of both the inward and outward journey of each and every human being.

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released January 1, 2014

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Jayson Nessi Chicago, Illinois

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